Dealing with Divorce or Separation

webmasterDivorce, Life Changes, Music Videos32 Comments

As we (my family & I) were visiting my parents this past weekend, my mom mentioned that she heard of three different couples in separation or considering divorce right now.  It’s always sad to hear these stories, but especially so at this Christmas season that involves lots of family time.  Unfortunately, children are involved in all of these situations, and you hate for children to experience pain at this time of year, or any time for that matter.

I was on Facebook earlier today, and one of my friends had shared this picture.  As I read it, it reminded me of last weekend’s conversation.  It also reminded me of my own past history.  I felt impressed to share a piece of my story in this blog in hopes that it might help someone out there in cyber space.

Some of you reading this may know my story, but chances are you don’t.  It’s not exactly something I like to talk about all the time, so mostly only family knows.

So, here we go…
A Long Time Ago, In a Galaxy Far, Far Away…. (for all the Star Wars fans 🙂 ) 

Seriously though… I was 18 when I married my first husband.  To protect his identity, we’ll call him “Joe”.  Yeah, I know it’s public record, but really, who’s going to take the time to look that up? O_o

“Joe” and I had been dating for almost 2 years when we got married, so I thought I knew him well.  Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.  Doesn’t really matter now.  Maybe I can chalk it up to the mistakes of youth.  Maybe life just happens and you roll with the punches. I’m not God, so I don’t really know all the details, because I certainly can’t read minds.

From the beginning, our marriage was very shaky, but I was young and didn’t really have anything to compare to.  I hadn’t really seen the beginning stages of a successful marriage at this point in my life.

About 3 or 4 months after we were married, God gave me a warning dream.  In the dream, “Joe” brought home a second wife, and laughed at me as I fought for his attention. When I woke up, I was in tears, and my heart was breaking.  The dream was Soooo real feeling.  I realized that in America, he can’t legally have two wives, but the dream revealed the heart of his true character.

I decided to hide the dream away in my heart, put up a defensive barrier, and watch for signs of this behavior developing.

Even with warning, it took me awhile to get clued in.  I was very naïve, and wanted to believe the best of everyone.  I wanted to believe innocent until proven guilty.  But it didn’t take long for my rose-colored glasses to shatter.

Very quickly, it became evident the “Joe” was abusive.  He never physically beat me, but he verbally slaughtered me all the time.  He would ignore me purposely.  He would treat me like a plague in public.  He would refuse to make loving physical contact of any kind frequently.  I’m pretty sure that the only reason he would sleep with me is because he wanted to satisfy his own needs.  Everything he did was based on selfish desires and gratifications.

Now, you may not have this problem, but I was determined not to get divorced, because I felt that divorce would mean failure, and I wasn’t sure at the time if I had Biblical justification for divorce.  I now realize that he wasn’t holding up his end of the bargain and could have felt free to leave.

If you are in an abusive relationship, please get out.  You are very valuable, and you deserve to be treated better.

Anyway, after almost 7 years of marriage, he finally had an affair and left me for the other woman.  As much as it hurt, I was finally free!

I was very angry for quite a while.  You can ask my current husband.  We met the week of what would have been my 7th anniversary to “Joe”.  Even though it had been about 6 weeks since “Joe” had walked out, I was still very bitter and angry, and everyone around me knew it.

I met Trey at EA Tiburon (in Orlando).  I had just started a job as a game tester, and he was assigned to train me.  He instantly became a very close friend, and I don’t let anyone in that easy.  It felt like he knew what I was thinking.  It was really a setup by God.  I think God knew that I had suffered enough and needed a friend that understood. (Trey’s mom went through a lot of what I went through, so Trey had seen the aftermath first-hand.)

So all this to say, if a loved one decides to leave you… just focus on the fact that there are better things ahead.  And don’t have regrets.  Decisions made based on love should not be regretted.  Even though my love was not returned, I’ll never regret marrying “Joe”.  The fact that he mistreated me had absolutely nothing to do with me.  It is not my fault and never will be.  I could have never foreseen all the pain he would cause me.

So, in your scenario, don’t beat yourself up… learn from your experience and move on.  Hopefully, like me, you have become a better judge of character.  If not, rely on the opinions of those who love you.  My dad and brother both didn’t like “Joe” when we were dating.  If I had listened to them, I would have never married “Joe”.  After we were married, my dad and brother both choose to accept “Joe” as part of the family, because that’s what we do. And when “Joe” left, they both defended me, because they only loved him for my sake.

Well, I could write forever on the subject, because I was so deeply affected by it, but I’ll call this blog done.  I’d love to hear your questions, concerns, comments, so please leave some below.

 

In Christ’s Love,

Jennifer Patterson

my personal blog: www.PurplePenguinJen.com

32 Comments on “Dealing with Divorce or Separation”

  1. I’m not sure exactly why but this website is loading incredibly slow for me. Is anyone else having this problem or is it a issue on my end? I’ll check back later on and see if the problem still exists.

  2. I like the helpful info you provide in your articles. I’ll bookmark your weblog and check again here regularly. I’m quite sure I will learn many new stuff right here! Good luck for the next!

  3. Yo. Basically would like to leave a quick statement and question where you came across your particular blogging site model I am setting up own blogging site and honestly really like your template.

  4. Pingback: How To Watch TV Online

  5. I needed been thankful to secure a contact from a buddy straight away they discovered the important recommendations communal onto your web page. Mastering your blog write-up is really a real excellent knowledge. Cheers for the purpose of pondering readers at all for instance myself, and i also desire for an individual one of the best with accomplishments as the expert website.

  6. Aw, this was a really nice post. In idea I would like to put in writing like this additionally – taking time and actual effort to make a very good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate alot and by no means seem to get something done.PSP3 Review

  7. Now i’m genuinely appreciating the design and also architecture of this web page. It’s really a easy to the view that make it far more exciting for me personally to come listed here along with explore more reguarily. Have everyone work with released a new fashionable to create your current topic? Fantastic perform!

  8. Hello my buddy! I would like to claim that content is awesome, nice created in addition to have just about all useful infos. I’d like to search much more posts similar to this.

  9. Hallo man, how are you? I was actually just searching over the net for a little info and stumble’d on your site. I am just so satisfied because of the information that you’ve got written on this blog. It displays how great you understand this theme. Bookmarked this page, and will be back soon. you my pal, have something good going on here…

  10. Pingback: 1892 silver dollar

  11. hey there and thank you for your information – I’ve certainly picked up something new from right here. I did however expertise a few technical points using this site, as I experienced to reload the site lots of times previous to I could get it to load correctly. I had been wondering if your web host is OK? Not that I’m complaining, but slow loading instances times will very frequently affect your placement in google and can damage your high-quality score if ads and marketing with Adwords. Anyway I’m adding this RSS to my email and can look out for a lot more of your respective intriguing content. Ensure that you update this again very soon..

  12. I really like your writing style, excellent information, thanks for putting up :D. “You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.” by Ziggy.

  13. Heya are using WordPress for your site platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and create my own. Do you need any coding knowledge to make your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  14. Hey there, This document is rather educational and fun to read. I am a huge follower in the points blogged about. I also love reading the comments, but it appears being a good deal of readers must stay on topic to try and add something for the original topic. I would also encourage all of you to bookmark this article for ones most employed assistance to assist get the word out. Thanks

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.